i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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