I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
