What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
