Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
