Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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