i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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