Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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