too bad you live with your parents still
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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