just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
