What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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