I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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