Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need water and some morals
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
