I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
