By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
