Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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