how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
