I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
