I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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