Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
