Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
