Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
