Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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