dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't deserve a penis
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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