I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are leaves in my underwear?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize