i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
