Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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