If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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