I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
