i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
