you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
