Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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