whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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