Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
