I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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