brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
