i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
