In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
