my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
