it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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