What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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