Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
