but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
