dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
be right there i have to get my cape
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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