We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
