I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
