it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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