I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
