My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
