Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
