i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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