Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize