Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
