Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize