HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize