I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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