u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
