He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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