barbara walters just said penis...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
