this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
