She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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