I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
