I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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