My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont even know how to be here
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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