i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
