It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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