bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
