i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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