Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
