we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
