dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
