i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
