Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You left your phone here
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