What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
stop calling my apartment porn island.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize