i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
